To Have or Have Not
by Garnet Took
Summary: Pippin and Diamond still wish they could have more children. They know the hope is very faint but they can't let go of it. Will they, and their marrieage, survive the effort to have a second child. The is part two of my "The Thain's Family" series. Note: I'm giving this an M rating to be on the safe side. We are talking about reproductive issues, after all.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing to do with hobbits or Lord of the Rings. They all belong to New Line Cinema and the Tolkien Estate. I just fell in love with them many years ago, and now can't stop writing about them. Please don't sue me, I'm worth less than a turnip.

A/N When I wrote "Of Difficulties and Delicate Situations" I had no intention of writing a sequel, but more than one person asked me about it, so here it is. Thanks especially to Pippinfan1988 for not letting me forget about this one.

Also, please forgive me if some of the characters seen OOC to you. This is a very different story than the previous one. Hang on for a bumpy ride in this one, folks.

* * *

1

It was getting late, and most of the party guests had already left. The young guest of honor lay sleeping peacefully in his father's arms. Little Faramir Took had, from all appearances, enjoyed his sixth birthday party immensely.

"Oh, you are growing up so fast, my little lad," whispered Pippin, tucking his sleeping son into bed. _I'm going to miss moments like this,_ he said to himself as he shut the door and slipped down the hall to his and Diamond's bedroom.

Diamond was sitting on the side of the bed waiting for him. "Did he wake up?" she asked.

"No. He slept right through being changed into his nightshirt and put into bed. I think I'm going to miss this age. It's so easy to get him to bed, and he's always so glad to see us in the morning. I know how I was when I hit my teens; I didn't want to get up and dreaded that knock on my door each morning. I kind of wish we could keep him little for a long, long time."

Diamond smiled softly at her husband. He was a wonderful father and loved their son beyond imagining, but she still sensed that emptiness within him brought about by the knowledge that they would, almost beyond a shadow of a doubt, never have another child.

"You know," she finally said, "I've been thinking."

"I'm glad one of us has," Pippin quipped, changing into his nightclothes and tossing his party clothes across a chair. "I've heard more than one person say that if you weren't so level-headed, I'd not be half the hobbit I am."

"Stop teasing," answered Diamond, but she couldn't hide her giggle. "I'm trying to be serious here. I've been thinking about children. I know you'd like to have more, and, to tell the truth, so would I. I guess what I'm asking is, did the king say that there was nothing else we could do?"

Pippin sat down beside his wife and took her hand. "He said that we should keep doing the things we were doing when Faramir was conceived. The only thing he said was that we couldn't use those nasty-tasting herbs he gave me. He said there could be some really unpleasant side-effects if I took them too long, and, besides that, they really did taste horrid."

"So, unless we have some sort of miracle happen, we can probably forget that ever happening." Diamond sighed. "I know I said I'd be content," she continued, "but it's so hard." She was finding it hard to hold back the tears. "I guess seeing so many of our friends and family with all their little ones just makes me wish we could have more, too."

Pippin changed positions so that, instead of just holding his wife's hand, he could take her into his arms. "I know what you mean," he said. "It was very hard seeing both Stella and Vinca with their babies. Even though these are probably their last, they still have more than we ever will. I'm not jealous, but I am a bit envious of them.

"You know," he finally said after a long silence, "just because we most likely never will have any more children, doesn't mean we can't keep trying." As he said this, he began gently rubbing Diamond's shoulders and down her arms. "Want to do a little trying?" he asked, leaning down to plant a kiss on her neck.

"Mmmm," she sighed. "That sounds really nice."

* * *

Two weeks later, when Diamond had her monthly cycle, as usual, she shut herself up in the bedroom and had a long cry. Knowing full well why his wife was so miserable, Pippin hid in his office and silently wept for her, and all the children they would never have.

* * *

In mid Rethe, S.R. 1436, a formal letter arrived from the King. And, when he consulted them, Pippin learned that Merry and Sam had received letters identical in form to his own. They were a royal request for the three leaders of the Shire to greet their King as he passed their lands on his way north to reestablish his northern realm at Annuminas. Aragorn had also invited the wives and children to attend as well.

"When is he arriving?" asked Diamond when Pippin told her of the impending visit.

"The eighth day of Astron," he answered her. "So, you'll have plenty of time to have new clothes made for us all. And don't tell me that's not why you were asking: Merry and Sam both said that was the first thing their wives started doing as soon as they heard about the letter." Pippin smiled at the indignant look upon his wife's face.

"Well then," she said, giving him a mock-evil look, "I'll just have to make sure your new things are made out of the most uncomfortable fabric I can find."

"Of course, I would expect nothing less." Pippin tried hard not to smile. One of the things he loved most about his wife was her sense of humor. She had a sharp wit and could parry words with the best of them.

* * *

On the day of Aragorn's arrival at the Brandywine Bridge; Pippin, Diamond and little Faramir stood proudly beside the families of the Master and the Mayor. All the local hobbits who had turned out for the occasion were suitably impressed.

Both Pippin and Merry had managed to avoid having to be fitted with new clothes for the day. They had decided that it was more appropriate that they wear their uniforms, since they were knights, and Pippin was still sworn to service with the King.

Aragorn was genuinely thrilled to see his old friends and their families. He was especially pleased to meet little Faramir Took. This was because this child had been conceived in Minas Tirith, and with some intervention on the part of the King.

Sam's daughter Elanor was the darling of all the court that had accompanied the King, and she was made a maid of honor to the Queen, and all the other children were doted on, but there would always be a special place in Aragorn's heart for Pippin's son.

Once the festivities were over, the children settled for the night and all the needs of the King's camp attended to, Aragorn was finally able to sit with his friends and have a talk.

"Well now," began the King, pulling out his pipe and filling it. "What have the three of you been up to these last few years? I know what Sam's been doing a lot of," he cast a wicked grin at the gardener-turned-mayor. "Your family is quite charming, by the way," he added.

Sam blushed furiously. "Thank ye, sir. I was so hopin' they'd all behave themselves today. They're good lads and lasses all, but they're still children and they can be a little wild at times. Maybe my ole gaffer had the right of it after all when he said that we young-uns should be seen and not heard, especially at formal functions."

"No, Sam, I enjoyed all the children's antics," answered the King. "That's what being a child is all about-running around, being wild and noisy. Those are the things childhood memories are made of."

"So," continued Aragorn, changing the subject and looking over at Merry. "Are you ever going to see your way clear to come visit us any time soon? I have to confess that I was just a little disappointed that you chose not to accompany Pippin when he and Diamond came to visit us a few years ago."

"I'd love to visit you sometime," answered Merry. "Unfortunately, things just haven't worked out to allow it. Estella and I were just starting our family when Pippin and Diamond went to visit Minas Tirith, and I was working very hard helping my father. He was in failing health at that time, and I had taken over most of the duties as Master."

"Don't worry about it, dear Merry," reassured the King. "I just hope a day will come soon when you and your family will grace us with your presence, either in Minas Tirith or at our new northern palace."

"Speaking of your northern home," said Pippin, "how long do you plan to spend there on this visit?" He had an ulterior motive for asking, but he hoped no one would notice and would simply put it down to his still-insatiable curiosity.

"We are planning to spend the entire summer there," Aragorn answered. "We will leave early enough to get back to the Southlands before the truly cold weather can set in. I would say that we should be passing back this way near to the beginning of your month of Winterfilth."

Pippin nodded thoughtfully. "So," he finally said, "there would be time for us to make the trip up to see you."

"Yes, there would be plenty of time for that. It is not a long journey from here, and most of the roads have been repaired or rebuilt to speed my own travels as well as those of my messengers and the Rangers.

"If I may ask, are you contemplating coming to see me, Pippin? And, if you are, in what capacity do you plan to come? Do you wish to come as a representative of one of my realms, or as one of my councilors, or perhaps one of my knights-to offer your service while I dwell near to lands with which you are intimately acquainted; or is this to be purely a visit between friends?"

"Well," stammered Pippin. He hadn't been expecting to be placed on the spot like this, "I hadn't really thought of what type of visit it would be. I just thought that with you so close, it would be a perfect chance to see you again."

Aragorn looked at Pippin for a long moment before saying anything else. "I see," he finally said. "Well let me give it some thought and talk to my advisers in the morning. We may be able to work out a time when it is convenient for all of us to meet at Annuminas."

With this comment, the evening visit was over. The hobbits returned to their families for the night, and Aragorn sought out his own wife. He felt the need to share a few words with her, and thereby, hopefully, clear his own mind on a topic or two.

* * *

"I just had the most interesting conversation with the hobbits," said Aragorn, "or at least one hobbit. All of us were together, but Pippin seemed much more anxious to visit us in Annuminas than the others did. They were not against a visit, by any means, but he seemed especially determined."

Arwen looked at her husband. "is there a problem with this?" she asked. "It only makes sense. After all, Pippin is the closest to Gondor of all of them. Maybe he just feels that spending time serving the king is something he should do."

"Perhaps you're right," answered Aragorn as he finished getting ready for bed. "I just have this feeling that something else is going on. I don't get the feeling that anything is amiss, but there is definitely something going on in that hobbit's head. I guess I'll just have to wait till he's ready to share it with me."

"You know," answered Arwen, "that shouldn't take too long. Pippin has never been one to keep quiet for long when something is on his mind." Aragorn could only smile at how well his wife understood their small friends.

* * *

Pippin lay in bed unable to get to sleep. After an hour of being perfectly still while her husband tossed and turned, Diamond had had enough. "What is bothering you, Pippin," she asked.

"I just have a lot on my mind," was Pippin's response. It sounded trite and contrived in his own ears; he could only imagine how untrue it sounded to his wife.

She turned and looked hard at her husband in the dim light. "Now, that," she said, "is just about the weakest lie I think I've ever heard. You're usually more creative in your dissembling than that. Now, tell me what is really bothering you."

Pippin sighed and lay looking up at the ceiling for a moment. "How would you feel," he finally said, "about paying a visit to Aragorn and Arwen in their summer palace?"

"I think it could be enjoyable," answered Diamond, "but I think there's more to this than you just wanting to visit a new place and see some old friends. Care to share what's going on in that head of yours with me?"

Pippin sighed again. "How'd I manage to end up with such a clever wife?" he finally said.

"Just lucky, I guess."

"Well, however that may be, I guess you should know what I'm thinking about." Pippin sat up in the bed and folded his legs up under himself so that he was sitting tailor-fashion under the covers. "I have been thinking about us and children for several months now-since before Faramir's birthday, actually-and I want to see if there is anything else Strider can do to help us. That is, if you want to try something more than we've been doing for the last six years."

Diamond sat and looked intently at her husband. "You know," she finally said, "that I would be content with just having our one dear son, but, if you really want to see what the king can do to help us have another, I will support you all the way."

Diamond looked down at her hands, folded in her lap, before she continued. "You know, I never meant to say anything to you about it, but I cry every month when it becomes clear that once again we aren't going to have another baby. Please don't be mad at me. I'm not blaming you for that. I just know all of us want another child, even Farimir."

Pippin looked long at his wife, and Diamond could clearly see the tears he was trying hard not to let fall. "I am so blessed," he finally said in a decidedly trembling voice, "I have the most patient wife in all the Shire, maybe even the whole world. You put up with me no matter what. I love you, Diamond."

"I love you, too, Pippin," she said. "Now, let's both get some sleep." She helped him settle back into bed and cuddled up beside him. She really did love him very much.

* * *

Two days later, as the king and his traveling court prepared to continue their trip north, Aragorn called Pippin aside. "I have given your request to join us this summer considerable thought."

Pippin looked intently at his king. "Yes, Strider, and what have you decided?" he asked.

"I believe that, if you are willing, we could be prepared for a visit by the end of next month. Would this be a good time for you?"

"I think it can be, " Pippin answered. "The spring planting will be completed by then and the only thing that would need planning is the mid-summer festivals; and that isn't anything that big since most folks go to the Free Fair during the Lithe Days. If you will have us, I would enjoy spending the summer at Annuminas."

"I do have one question," said Aragorn. "Might I ask why you are so eager to visit us? I'm glad you want to come, but I cannot help but think you have more reasons than you have shared with me."

Pippin shuffled his feet and looked nervously at the ground. "Well...," he hesitated. "You see, it's something very personal. I'm not sure just how to put it. I need to talk to you about something."

"Perhaps you should just get it off your chest right now so that you can enjoy your visit with us."

"Oh, all right," said Pippin. "I'm not going to be able to think about anything else for the next two months, so I might as well just tell you. Diamond and I-we really want to try to have another child, and you're the only one who knows anything about how to help us. Please, Strider, say that you will at least give it some thought before we arrive. I know you said that we shouldn't try what we did last time, but we're both so miserable that we'd try just about anything if there was even the slightest chance it might work."

Aragorn put his hand on the hobbit's shoulder. "I will consider this," he said. "I don't know that there is anything else we can try, but I will think of anything I can that might help. I do want to know one thing. Have you ever considered taking in a child, or children, that don't have living parents of their own?"

"The thought has crossed my mind," answered Pippin. "The thing is, though, that there are rarely any children in the Shire that have no family that will take them in. Adoption is a very accepted practice, but it is almost always grandparents or aunts and uncles who take an orphaned child. They are almost never given up to someone without close blood ties."

"I thought that might be the case," said the King. "I will give your request serious thought and will speak more about it when you arrive."

"Thank you," said Pippin, giving a slight bow to his sovereign.


	2. Chapter 2

A week after Pippin's birthday, a sizable party set out from Buckland. They took the East Road till it met up with what had once been known as the Greenway. Here they turned north toward the rebuilt city of Annuminas.

Along with Pippin, Diamond and young Faramir there were Merry Brandybuck, his wife Estella and their children Peridoc, Eowyn (who was called Wenny since she was named for the sister of the King of Rohan), and Theodoc ( who was barely two years old). There were also a few other members of both the Took and Brandybuck families who were curious enough about the king and his court to follow their family heads out of the Shire.

Of course, not everyone was planning to spend the entire summer at the northern court. Merry planned to return home just before the Lithe Days celebration. He then planned to go back north to accompany Pippin home at summer's end. As far as Pippin knew, everyone else planned to return with Merry. That would give Pippin and Diamond two months to spend in service to and visiting with the king.

* * *

They arrived on a clear and sparkling morning in early Forelithe and were greeted warmly by Aragorn and Arwen.

"Welcome to the seat of the Northern Kingdom," said Aragorn in formal greeting.

All the hobbits looked around, all but Pippin, Merry and their wives, seemed a bit overwhelmed by the size of everything. "I do hope Strider remembered to have some furniture made to our size," said Pippin.. He wanted to put everyone at ease and assure the other hobbits that they would be well accommodated in this city of men.

* * *

Over the next three week, the hobbits not only grew accustomed to their new surrounding, they came to truly appreciate the hospitality of the King. Many of them were not looking forward to returning so soon to the Shire. But, on the designated day, all of them arrived early to take their leave of the King and Queen.

There were many exchanges between Aragorn and the hobbits-invitations to visit, promises to return and even a few gifts given and received. While all this was taking place, Merry had a quiet word with Pippin.

"I'll be back in late Wedmath to bring you back to the Tooks," said Merry. He was trying to keep his words light, but he was concerned about his best friend.

"I'm sure Strider will be ready to be rid of us by then," came the flip reply. "Besides, if I stay away too long, the Tooks may get fed up with their wandering Thain and replace me. Then Regi'd have to come all the way up here just to kill me. You know how much he does not want to be Thain. I mean, the way he fell all over himself in relief and joy that I returned after the war was embarrassing. I don't want to put him, or me, through that again."

"Why, don't you come back with the rest of us today." There, it was said. Now Pippin would either give him a straight-forward answer, or he'd be evasive. But Merry was good at reading even a Pippin who was being less than honest.

Pippin looked down at where his toe was drawing circles in the dust for a long moment. Then he looked back at Merry, and that look spoke more than any words could. "It's complicated," he said. "I feel like, as long as Aragorn is here, I owe him my service. I did swear an oath, after all." Here he gave a little smile. "Also, there are some things I need to discuss with our King. Things that I can't talk to anyone else about, not even you, dear Merry."

"I think I know where this is going," said Merry. "Just remember, dear cousin, that even Strider doesn't have all the answers; and, unless a thing is meant to be, even the best people cannot make it happen."

"I know," came the solemn statement. "I just want to hear what he has to tell me, that's all. If there's anything else that can be done, I want to know so I, I mean we, you know who I mean, can decide if we want to do any more. It's a dream, Merry, and I don't want to let go." By now his eyes were swimming and he could say no more.

Merry reached out and patted him on the shoulder. "I know." he said. "I'll see you in a couple of months. Just promise me you won't do anything too reckless."

Pippin nodded but said nothing till he was back with the others, where he bid everyone farewell and safe journey.

* * *

About a week after the other hobbits had departed, Aragorn and Pippin sat on the king's private terrace sharing a mug or two of ale.

"I've been giving some thought to our conversation several weeks ago," said Aragorn, setting his mug down and fixing his small knight with an intent look. "Is there a reason why Diamond and you have decided that now is the time to bring this problem back before me?"

Pippin looked a bit crestfallen. "If it is something you don't want to be bothered with, you can just say so and I will not bring it up again. I did not mean to be a nuisance."

"You are not being a nuisance, Peregrin. I just want to understand what your motivations are.

"Let's be honest. You have a tendency to be impulsive. I just want to be sure that you have thought this through, because the things we may have to try this time are much more risky than those herbs were. I want to know that you and your wife are committed to this course and are willing to accept the risks to yourself and any children that might be conceived through the means I plan to try."

"Yes, we are committed," answered Pippin. "It has been so difficult the last few years. You cannot even imagine. Faramir wants a brother, or a sister, so bad. He asks us all the time why Uncle Merry and Aunt Stella have three children while we just have him. I can't tell my six-year-old the truth. He's far too young to know all about the bees and the blooms, much less what can go wrong with either the bee or the flower." This last statement caused Pippin to blush a bright red.

Aragorn couldn't help but smile. He found the hobbits' euphemism for intercourse quaint and charming. He also knew that it was taking all of Pippin's courage and resolve to discuss this with his king.

"Very well," he finally said. "In that case, I want to meet with both Diamond and yourself to discuss what I plan to try and what the results could be. I will meet you both here at tea time tomorrow."

"Yes, Aragorn. We will be here. And thank you!" With the discussion over, he drained his mug, rose, made a bow to his King and left.

* * *

The evening had been a pleasant one. Dinner had been both delicious and abundant, and the company had been enjoyable. Now, though, the evening had wound down to it's end and Pippin and Diamond had retired to their guest suite.

"You seem a lot more relaxed, my love," said Diamond as she turned back the coverlets on their large bed.

"We are to meet with Aragorn tomorrow for tea," He answered, coming out of the little changing alcove and taking a good look at his wife for the first time since they had returned to their rooms. "Is that a new nightdress?" he asked.

Diamond blushed and smiled shyly at her husband. "Is the King going to help us?" she asked.

"He said he would do his best, but not to get our hopes up. He also said that what he may have to try could be even more unpleasant than those horrible herbs he gave me the last time.

"Now," he said, trying to turn the conversation to something a little more interesting, at least in his opinion, "where did you come by that lovely piece of clothing, and what is it made of?" He reached out a curious hand and ran it down the sleeve of the gown.

"It's made of satin," answered Diamond. "Arwen helped me pick it out. She also helped me find a few other things, but you'll have to wait to see those." she grinned in a way that could match Pippin's cheekiest look.

"Satin, you say. I think I might like this better than your usual linen things. Come here and let me see for sure."

"Hm," she said, stepping closer. "Who knows, maybe we won't need more help from the King. Maybe all it will take is for you to get a look or two at my new nighttime wardrobe."

"It's not the new nightclothes that interest me," said Pippin as he leaned in to give his wife a thorough kiss, "it's what's inside them that I want to see more of. Now, I wonder what will happen if I just give this little string right here a little tug?"

Diamond gave a tiny gasp as she felt the slick material start to slide over her shoulder.

Pippin allowed his kisses to follow the path of the slipping fabric. "This is as fun as opening a Yule present," he said, pausing to allow Diamond, as well as himself, to catch her breath.

"Let's see what happens if I do this," he said, giving a slight pull on the material near her elbow. He smiled delightedly as one of Diamond's creamy breasts slid free of it's confinement. Quickly he began to taste this sweet new offering even as one hand began to caress and knead the other one through the satin.

"Aaahhhh," Diamond breathed out. "That feels so incredible," she gasped. "Your fingers...that material..." Words failed her.

Pippin managed to pull his mouth away from it's pleasant task to look into his wife's eyes. "Perhaps we should continue this in bed," he whispered. All Diamond could do was nod and allow herself to be guided over to their large bed.

"Now, where was I?" asked Pippin once they were settled. "Ah, yes, I believe I was unwrapping this lovely present." With that he returned to slowly pealing away the gown from his wife's body and giving her as much pleasure as he could with kisses and touches.

Once he had completely removed the slippery, smooth material, he lay looking at his lovely bride of almost ten years. He sighed, but it was a sigh of mixed emotions and Diamond sensed it immediately.

Propping herself up on one elbow, she leaned in and gave him a long, searching kiss. Drawing back, she asked, "What is bothering you, dearest? You seem to be enjoying yourself immensely, and, to be honest, so am I."

She caught his quick glance downward toward his own bits, but she did not react. "Tell me, love. After all, we are in this together. I want you to get as much out of these moments as I do."

Pippin sighed again and fell back onto his pillow. "It's not working," he finally said. His voice had a flatness to it that masked nothing of the sorrow he was obviously feeling.

Diamond was now forced to look down at her husband's still-flaccid member. Inwardly, she was disappointed to see that all their activities had had no effect on him despite having had quite an effect on her. Outwardly, she smiled softly at him and began walking her fingers lightly across his chest.

"I think I might be able to do something about that," she said, bending over to kiss her way from his lips down to his tiny, but hard, nipples. As she did so, she allowed her fingers to skitter, almost spider-like, over his stomach.

The combination of sensations caused him to let out a gasping giggle. "That tickles," he managed to say.

"That's part of my plan," she said, lifting her head to look him in the eye. "You tickle me all the time. It's rare for me to have you so completely at my mercy."

Eagerly, she returned to kissing her way down his abdomen. When she reached his navel, she gave a little flick of her tongue that made him twitch all over. At the same time, her fingers had reached their final destination. Gently, but firmly, she took his maleness in hand and began to stroke it.

"Yes," he whispered. "I think that's doing it." He began to pant.

After only a very short time, he reached down to stay her hand. "If you want to get as much out of this as I am," he was able to say, "we'd better change positions."

As quickly as they could in their aroused states, they moved so that he could enter her. After only a few thrusts, he gasped her name and collapsed against her. She held him close and whispered sweet endearments in his ear.

Sadly, they both knew that, if he had released any seed at all, the amount was small and unlikely to be adequate to get her with child.

There was nothing either one of them could say. Neither one would ever admit their frustrations. They loved each other too much to let this problem push them into saying, or doing, anything that could hurt the other one.

Without a word, they cuddled close together. Pippin wrapped his wife in his arms. He knew he was the luckiest hobbit in the world to have someone who would love him so unconditionally and not worry so much about his virility.

Diamond snuggled close to her husband. She knew that she was blessed with a wonderful hobbit who loved her enough to go through so much to give her what she wanted; not once, but twice now.

* * *

Sometime before dawn, Diamond awoke to find Pippin lying there just staring at the ceiling. She turned to look at him more closely. "You know," she finally said," I love you. No matter what happens; no matter what Aragorn tells us, I will always love you."

"I know," he whispered. "I just wish there was more I could do for you. I wish I could show you how much you and your love means to me."

"You already have," she answered. "You have loved me enough to give me a beautiful son, despite the risks to yourself. You love me enough to try to do almost anything I ask of you. I have no doubt of your love."

When Pippin turned to take her in his arms, Diamond could see that his eyes were bright with unshed tears.

* * *

The following afternoon, they met with Aragorn, but not in the palace. They met instead at Annuminas' houses of healing. They were very much like their counterparts in Minas Tirith, but on a much smaller scale. Aragorn's Northern capital would probably never be as large as his Southern.

"I took the liberty," said Aragorn, as they were all seated at a table in a room that looked like it was used for meetings of the healers and others who worked in the houses, "of inviting the chief healer to this meeting. I felt that he might have some ideas to contribute, and he needs to be aware of what we are doing. Some of the things we may need to try are risky, and I want all the well-prepared help I can get if something should go amiss."

Both hobbits nodded toward the healer.

"My name is Armond," the man said, "and I promise to be as discrete and as helpful as possible in this matter."

"Thank you," they both answered.

"Now, so that I can be sure that everyone here is working from the same point of reference, let's make sure we all know what we are trying to achieve. Our goal is to achieve a pregnancy through a union between the two of you. Correct?" said Aragorn.

Both hobbits nodded.

The King continued. "We were successful in doing so seven years ago by the use of an herbal combination that has been used for such things as this in Gondor for many years. However, that particular set of herbs has been known to cause serious problems for men who used it more than a few months. It is much too risky to try them again, especially since we have no idea what they might do to a hobbit. Therefore, we must come up with something equally affective but totally different than we used before.

"I have taken the liberty of discussing this in advance with Armond and he has given me several suggestions. The one I want to try first is a combination of herbal mixtures, but very different from the one we used before."

"That doesn't sound so bad." said Pippin.

"Are we going to have to abstain for a week again this time?" asked Diamond. This had been the worst part of their efforts the last time for her. Even though her husband was not able to perform at the level of most others, she still enjoyed their intimate moments. She was not looking forward to having to go without for a week again.

"Actually," said Armond, entering the discussion for the first time, "we think that abstaining for two weeks would be preferable this time. That will allow for the first of the herbs to be at full strength. Also, it will allow us to see if there are any undesirable effects from these herbs before we start to allow the use of the herbs that must be taken right before intercourse."

Diamond could only glare at the healer. She knew that there was no way to avoid this part of the process. If Pippin could take the concoctions and potions they were planning to give him, the least she could do was take this minor inconvenience with good grace.

Pippin squeezed his wife's hand under the table. She looked at him and saw the smile gracing his face. She could only smile sweetly back at him. Finally she was able to give a nod of acceptance toward the healer and the king.

* * *

The two weeks passed very slowly for Diamond. She did her best to remain cheerful for Pippin. She knew that it did nothing to help him if she was moody and snappish.

He had his own problems to deal with. The first herbal mixture was very unpleasant to take, and the first several doses seriously unsettled his stomach.

"This is it," he announced one morning, after struggling to get the latest dose down. "Whatever happens, we are not trying again. If we get pregnant this summer, wonderful. If we don't, we accept what we have and be happy. I can't take much more of this horrible stuff. It tastes almost as bad as orc liquor, it makes me feel ill for several hours after taking it, and it has caused me to lose my appetite. What's the point of being on holiday if I can't eat?"

"We can quit, if you want to," said Diamond. She put her arm loosely about her husband's shoulders. "I don't want you miserable all the time. It isn't worth all that. Yes, I want another child as much as I ever did, but seeing you like this is making me doubt that it's the right thing."

"No," said Pippin returning her hug with more firmness. "I want to do this. I really do. I'm just having a bad moment is all. These herbs are making me overly emotional. I'll get through it. It's only for a few weeks. I can handle it that long."

* * *

The day that the two-week abstinence was over Aragorn asked Pippin and Diamond to meet him in his quarters.

"I wanted to talk to both of you before we proceed to the next step. We are going to add a second herbal mix that is to be taken no more than an hour before you plan to have intercourse." He really was trying to be as detached as possible. There were times when he couldn't believe he was actually talking about sex with someone other than his wife. "Now, Diamond, you are not to touch these herbs under any circumstances. They could have a negative effect on you. Pippin, I said you had to take them no more than an hour before, but you cannot take them less than half an hour before. That is a fairly narrow window, so you may want to do some pre-planning. I know that isn't fun; but getting pregnant is your goal, and you already know there are sacrifices that have to be made.

"There are some other things I want you to know before you start taking these herbs. They can have some very nasty effects, especially when taken with the other ones I've been giving you. If you notice that you are having any changes in vision or breathing, let me know as soon as possible. Also, if you notice your heart racing, come straight to me-I don't care what time it is. Lastly, and this sounds funny, but it is very serious; if you have an erection that won't subside, no matter what you do to relieve it, send Diamond to get me."

The two hobbits giggled at this last warning, but it was nervous giggling.

"There is one other thing," added Aragorn. "I don't know if it will help or not, but it was suggested by the resident herbalist that you might want to start eating more fruit and also start adding more garlic to your diet. He said that these things often help with these kinds of difficulties.

"Well, garlic isn't going to make me any more attractive to my wife," said Pippin. "How am I supposed to get her pregnant if she can't stand to be close to me. Besides, we don't use as much garlic as you do in the South."

"You'll get used to it," answered the king. "You may even find you like garlic."

"We'll put up with just about anything for the time being," said Diamond. "This is our last best shot, and we have to take it."

* * *

That night as they were getting ready for bed, Pippin took the first dose of the herbs. He had to dissolve them in hot water and drink them like tea. All Diamond could do was watch as her husband struggled to swallow the bitter mixture. She rubbed his back as he worked to keep them down.

When his stomach had settled somewhat, he looked at her. "Well," he said, "I guess we go to bed now and see what comes up." He managed a little smile as Diamond smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

* * *

"You know," said Pippin, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling, "I never thought I'd feel this awkward about anything like this after our wedding night. It should be totally natural by now, but all this preparation and planning rather takes the pleasure right out of it."

Diamond began to giggle. "I'll do my best not to take this too personally," she said. "I do have to admit that this is not how I imagined any children I would have would be conceived. So much for romantic fantasies."

She took the opportunity to lean over and kiss her husband on the tip of his nose.

Pippin quickly turned the tables on his wife. He rolled over, taking Diamond with him so that he was now looking down into her flushed and smiling face.

After this things progressed rather rapidly to the conclusion both of them had been hoping for.

* * *

"Well, we really can do this," Pippin said as he held his wife close. "I wasn't sure there at first."

"I know," was Diamond's sleepy reply. "I have to admit I kept waiting for something strange to happen, after everything Aragorn and that healer warned us about. I think I could get used to this, just as long as you don't start doing anything like trying to go at it for hours, or anything odd."

"I have to admit that that one warning scared me a little. I can't imagine going for hours without release. The thought of the pain is enough to bring tears to my eyes, not to mention that it certainly has a deflating effect on certain bits."

At last able to laugh at their situation a little, they both were able to relax and fall asleep in each other's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything had been going well for about two weeks. Pippin had been following Aragorn's directions to the letter. He had even managed to make the changes in diet that had been suggested. He still was not fond of garlic, but he was discovering several new dishes that incorporated the spice.

Aragorn made frequent, but discreet, inquiries about how things were progressing for the hobbit couple. Each time Pippin told him that everything was going well and there had been none of the odd side-effects that he had been warned about.

* * *

Once again, Diamond watched as her long-suffering husband struggled to swallow the herbal drink. Even though she had seen him do this every second or third night for the last few weeks, she still felt bad for him.

"It doesn't get any easier to take, does it?" she asked.

"No," Pippin answered in a slightly strangled voice as he forced down the dregs from the cup, "it doesn't. I really have to confess that I'm reaching the end of my rope here. I want desperately to keep trying, but I don't know how many more times I can force this stuff down without my stomach rebelling completely. This is hard enough to get down. I don't want to know what it feels like to have it come back up." He gave a weak smile at this.

Diamond handed him a cup of water. "Here," she said. "At least you can wash some of the taste out of your mouth."

"Thank you, Dear," he said after draining the cup and handing it back to her. "That's much better. Now, what do you say we go to bed and see if we can get up to anything?"

It had become an ongoing joke between the two of them to see how many times they could sneak the words, "up" and "rise" into their bedtime conversations. If nothing else, they were finding a great deal of humor in the euphemisms and innuendo.

On this particular night it was becoming very obvious to Pippin that there was going to be very little to laugh at. Almost as soon as he lay down, he became aware that things were not right. He suddenly felt very dizzy and his vision began to blur.

"I think I'm going to be sick," he said, trying to sit up

"Not in my bed," snapped Diamond as she rolled quickly out of said bed and grabbed the chamber pot. She was only just in time.

Pippin lay back down still feeling dizzy. "Well, now I know that those stupid herbs are even worse coming up than going down," he said weakly. "I feel awful, and I think I have another problem, too."

Diamond was now sitting beside him, having placed the full chamber pot on the opposite side of the room. "You're not going to be sick again, are you?"

"No, I don't think there's much left down there. My new problem is a little lower, Love. I think I must have had those herbs down long enough for them to do there work, and now that that part of me is motivated, the rest of me isn't. What a waste."

"Don't worry about it," Diamond reassured him. "You just relax. I'll take care of this quickly enough, then you can rest. We'll just have to tell Aragorn tomorrow that the herbs are causing you problems. I'm sad that it will mean that we have to stop trying, but I'm relieved that I won't have to watch you suffer every time we want to share our love in this way."

Pippin closed his eyes as he let his wife take matters into her capable hands.

After several minutes, he opened his eyes again and looked directly at her. "Stop." he finally said. "It's not working. We're going to have to try something else."

They tried several different positions and techniques, but nothing helped. Diamond was at her wits' end, and Pippin was now in pain.

He lay on his back, eyes clinched shut and tears running back into his sweat-damp curls. "Oh, by whatever Powers there be, just make it go away," he sobbed. "It hurts so much. I can't stand much more. I think if I could move, I'd get my sword and just cut it off. Oh, please, somebody do something."

"That's it!" said Diamond. "I'm going to get Aragorn. This has to stop. Now."

She threw on her dressing gown and walked quickly to the king's quarters.

* * *

It was only a few minutes, but it seemed like an eternity to Pippin, before Diamond returned with an obviously recently awakened Aragorn trailing behind her.

"What exactly is the problem?" the King asked.

"Besides the obvious," said Pippin through gritted teeth.

"All right, I didn't word that well. What I should have asked was, besides the prolonged erection, are you having any other side-effects?"

"He threw up most of the herbal drink," answered Diamond.

At this point she had come to stand near where her husband was lying. Desperately he reached out for her hand. Once he had it, he clung to it like a drowning man grabbing at a lifeline.

"My vision is blurry, too," Pippin managed to state.

By this time Aragorn had already begun mixing a new set of herbs together. "You are going to have to stop taking the herbs immediately," he said. "As to your current problem, this is what I'm going to do: I'm going to start by giving you something to relax your body and put you to sleep, then I'm going to do something to relieve your problem. I'm not going to give you all the details. Some things It's simply better not to know."

Pippin was in far too much pain to do much to help himself so Diamond supported his head and Aragorn held the cup while he swallowed the new but equally bitter herbs.

It took several minutes for the medicine to take effect but, eventually, Diamond was able to free her hand from her husband's vise-like grip. She carefully flexed her fingers to make sure they were still working and to get the feeling back into them.

Soon Pippin was completely asleep and Aragorn began preparing for the next part of his treatment.

"You can stay if you wish," the King said to Diamond.

"Your Majesty, I love my husband dearly, but there are certain things that even a wife does not want to know. Also, if I don't see it, I can't tell him about it when he asks-and he will ask." This last was delivered with a very Pippin-like smirk.

"Very well," said Aragorn. "I'll let you know as soon as I've finished."

* * *

It was almost noon when Pippin finally awoke. Diamond was sitting beside the bed holding his hand.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

Pippin lay perfectly still for a moment with a thoughtful look on his face. At last he said, "I feel exhausted, and achy, and I feel odd in places it's not polite to talk about. What did he do to me?"

"I have no idea," Diamond answered. "I left before he did anything. There are times when ignorance is truly bliss, and this was one of those times."

* * *

The next afternoon Aragorn met with the two hobbits.

"This is not easy," he said to them. "I wish there was something else we could try, but other than continuing to make sure you get a lot of fruit and garlic in your diet, there's nothing else I can recommend."

"You did your best," was Pippin's reply. "I just wish I had been able to tolerate the herbs better. I'm the weak link in this chain, not you."

"Do not undervalue yourself, Peregrin," said Aragorn. "You have put yourself through a great deal of effort and pain for this. That takes a strength that many males do not have. You were willing to go through embarrassment and many other things in an effort to have a child. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Diamond nodded and squeezed her husband's hand affectionately. "You did everything you could, and more, Dear."

"There are a few things we still need to discuss." Aragorn was quick to redirect the conversation before he lost the hobbits to their own talk. "First, there is the matter of how you each are going to feel about this over the next several weeks or months. Neither one of you should be surprised or upset with yourselves for feeling angry about your situation. You may even have moments where you feel like blaming yourself or each other for the failure of your efforts. This is perfectly normal. It is all part of the grief process. You may also find yourself depressed for reasons you may not be able to explain even to yourself. What you will probably feel is very much like what one feels when someone close to them dies. After all, your dream of a large family has died."

Both hobbits simply nodded their heads. Neither one wanted to admit they were already feeling some of these things.

* * *

Over the course of the remainder of their time at Annuminas, there were many days when Diamond would find herself in tears for no reason at all. There were also times when she found herself looking at her husband and thinking the most unkind things about him. She kept trying to remind herself that what she was feeling was normal, but it still made her feel terrible for feeling the things she did.

Pippin too was suffering. He felt totally inadequate in every area of his life. He felt like he wasn't a good father. He just knew that Diamond felt he was worthless as a husband and lover. He even began to doubt his usefulness to his King.

* * *

One night all the pent up frustrations reached a point where they could no longer be held in.

As they were getting ready for bed, Pippin looked over at what his wife was preparing to put on. "What happened to all those nice, pretty nightdresses Arwen and you found earlier? You haven't worn one in quite a while."

For a moment she just stared at him. Then she quickly donned the simple, cotton gown she had been holding. "Why bother," she said. "I don't need to look nice just to sleep. They were a waste."

"I didn't think so. I liked them, and I loved you in them." Pippin started to smile at his wife, but her next words wiped the look of joy from his face.

"It doesn't matter what you like to see me in. You can't do anything but look and touch. You can't please yourself, let alone me. Why bother with such things when I usually end up finishing what you start. Why put myself through that?"

Pippin stood with the edge of the bedclothes, which he had been folding back, in his hand and a stricken look on his face.

"And put on a nightshirt. It's not that warm tonight and I really don't care to look at you like that." With that, she pulled back the covers on her side of the bed and climbed in.

"Excuse me?" He dropped the covers he had been holding and folded his arms across his chest. "What are you saying? Are you telling me that you think I'm no longer attractive to you? Are you saying that because I can't please you in bed that I'm no longer good enough for you? I thought our marriage was based on a whole lot more than that. I would never have thought you could be so shallow."

"Face it, Peregrin," Diamond snapped back, climbing out of the bed to stand facing her husband defiantly. Suddenly that six foot space felt like an impossible gulf to cross. "it isn't the only thing our marriage is based on, but it certainly is a big part of it. I feel like I've done more than my share by putting up with your inadequacies for all these years. I don't really care anymore why you can't perform your husbandly duties. I'm just tired of dealing with it. I'd just prefer that you keep you eyes, hands and thoughts to yourself. If you must know, you're right. I no longer find you desirable."

Pippin couldn't keep the tears from beginning to trickle from his eyes. He was just so shocked that his loving, patient Diamond was saying these hurtful things to him. "Di," he began, but sighed and closed his mouth. A nickname didn't seem appropriate at this moment. "Diamond," he began again. "I love you now as much as I did on the day I asked you to be my wife. I will never stop loving you. Right now I feel worthless enough without you reminding me of what I cannot do. I know you're angry and hurt, but so am I. I beat myself up every day for failing you. For the moment, I will sleep elsewhere so that I won't disturb you. If you really do not wish to have me in your life, then we can talk to Aragorn about what we should do. But I only ask that you give this some time. Do not make a hasty decision that will change our lives and Faramir's forever." Pippin ended by taking his pillow and exiting the room.

Diamond stood there in the silent room for several moments, then she sat on the edge of the bed and began to quietly sob.

Meanwhile, Pippin curled up on the sofa in the little sitting room in the couple's guest quarters and silently wept.

* * *

Early the next morning, Pippin slipped quietly back into the bedroom. He quickly gathered some clothing and went to dress in the bathing room. As he left, he cast a lingering, longing look at his wife. It appeared that she was not having a restful sleep. Pippin knew that he had to leave before he decided to stay and try to comfort her. She had made it clear that she wanted nothing from him, not even that.

Once he was dressed, Pippin went to see Aragorn. He was having a hard time convincing the courtier that was scheduling appointments for the King that he was considered a priority when Aragorn himself overheard the discussion.

"Targil," said the King, "Sir Peregrin never needs to schedule an appointment to see me. He is free to come before me at any time."

"Yes, Sire," answered the courtier meekly.

"Now, what do you wish to speak to me about, Peregrin? Shall we discuss it over breakfast?"

"Actually," said Pippin, looking down and studying the pattern of the tiles beneath his feet, "I'm really not that hungry, but I would not deprive you of your morning meal."

"This must be serious indeed if it has put you off your food." Gently, Aragorn guided the troubled hobbit to his own private chambers and a table laden with a lovely breakfast.

"Are you sure you won't have a little something?" asked Aragorn as he seated himself and began to fill a plate.

"Well," said Pippin, "I guess I could eat a little something. A piece of toast perhaps."

Before he even realized what he was doing, Pippin had filled a plate and begun to eat.

"Now," said the King, "what is it that has you so unsettled that you had to be coaxed to eat?"

Pippin looked up hastily from his meal. Suddenly he was feeling queasy. He pushed his plate away as the tears began to form once more in his eyes. "She wants me to leave!" he blurted out without preamble.

Aragorn lowered his fork and looked intently at the hobbit. "Excuse me?"

"She told me last night that she no longer finds me attractive and that she just wanted to be left alone. She doesn't want to waste her time with me anymore." By this point, Pippin was sobbing in earnest.

* * *

Diamond awoke with the sun shining through the bedroom window and onto the bed. Sleepily she reached out for the person she had shared a bed with for almost ten years. She came fully awake when she found the spot cold and empty.

Quickly she got up and, putting on her dressing gown, went into the sitting room. There was no sign that her husband had ever been there.

Slowly she sank to the sofa as the argument of the night before, and all her hateful words, came back clearly to her. She knew she had hurt Pippin dreadfully with what she had said, but she was still hurting herself and she felt like he needed to suffer for the loss he'd caused her. Before she even realized it, her anger had returned with almost the same force as last night.

"Why should I have to pay for his inadequacies?" she asked aloud. "If I'd have known when I married him what I know now, I don't know that I'd have said yes. He knew I wanted children. How could he have done this to me? I'm trapped in a marriage with someone who can't even fulfill his husbandly duties. Sure we have a son; that's what's required, but that shouldn't be all there is. It's not fair."

"No, it isn't fair at all."

Diamond started at the sound of Arwen's voice in the doorway. "What are you doing here, begging your pardon, my Queen."

"I thought you might want someone to unburden yourself to considering your husband is now sobbing like a babe on my husband's shoulder. Care to tell me what went on to cause him to be doing that while you sit here and justify your anger?"

"Not really," Diamond answered sharply. "I'd rather not talk to anyone about it. I said all I wanted to and then some last night. He's a failure and I just want to be rid of him."

Arwen came into room and took a seat in an overstuffed chair opposite where Diamond sat on the sofa. "So you've decided that because Pippin cannot give you another child, he's not worth keeping around? Fathering children is the most important thing he could ever do?"

Diamond would not look at Arwen. "It is a very important thing in our culture. It doesn't matter to hobbits what he did outside the Shire. What matters to us is family, and family means children. He may be a hero here, but back home people just shake their heads and say how sad it is that the Thain has only one son. At first they all wanted to point at me and say that I couldn't have children. Imagine what they thought when it got about that I can have as many children as I want, but my husband can't give them to me.

"I know I can't end my marriage; that's a life-long commitment, but I don't have to live the rest of my life sharing a bed with him. I can't look at him the way I used to anymore."

"So what you're saying," stated the Queen, "is that because all the things Pippin put himself through to try to get you with child did not work, you want to give up on him and all the other areas of your marriage that had been strong? You want to walk away from the person that you have spent your entire adult life with, the person who has put himself through misery for you and a hope that he might be able to be a father again? I have to say, I thought Peregrin and yourself had a stronger relationship than that."

* * *

Aragorn patted Pippin's back and made little nonsense sounds to try to calm him.

When the tears had begun to subside, Aragorn looked intently into the hobbit's eyes. "Now, are you telling me that Diamond threw you out?

"To put it bluntly," sniffled Pippin, "yes. She said she didn't want me around any more."

"I find this very hard to accept," said the King.

"You? What about me? My wife just told me that she regrets marrying me. That hurt worse than being flattened by that troll. Of course, if it hadn't been for that dratted troll, I'd not be in this situation right now. I'd be a father several times over, my wife would be happy and I would never have had to go through everything I have to try to have children; not to mention, I'd never have had to go through all that suffering while recovering at Cormallen."

"I wish things could have been different for you as well," said Aragorn. "I have always wanted nothing but the best for you, and the others as well. Unfortunately, things don't always work out the way we'd like."

Tell me about it," mumbled Pippin. "But what do I do now?" he said more clearly, looking up at Aragorn at last. "My wife hates me. I'm humiliated. I have to go home and either tiptoe around the fact that my wife no longer shares my home with me, or keep up the appearance that we are still together while we actually no longer share a bed. Poor Faramir: he's going to be so confused."

"Pippin," said the King, "you know that Diamond is grieving the loss of the children you'll never have, right?"

Pippin nodded. "So am I."

"Yes, you are. Do you thing that maybe she'll change her mind once she gets past the initial sorrow?"

"I don't know," was Pippin's reply. "She has always been a very stubborn person. She's the only one that can be more stubborn than me, according to Merry. Once she decides something, it takes a great deal of effort to change her mind.

* * *

Diamond had become thoughtful as Arwen had spoken of the strength of her relationship with her husband. "I always thought we could get through anything as long as we had each other, but now I don't think we can. The strong, handsome, bright and humorous hobbit I married is nothing but a nice-looking shell."

"So, if he had none of the qualities that you just implied drew you to him, but he could give you children, you'd be happy." Arwen looked searching into Diamond's face.

Diamond hesitated for a moment before she spoke. "My parents were not totally in favor of my marriage to Peregrin. They thought he was too flighty and a little too charming for his own good, let alone mine. I married him despite all their misgivings. I convinced them that he was perfect for me. Maybe I shouldn't have been so hasty. Most of the suitors they wanted me to consider were plain, simple hobbits, nothing special to look at but solid and steady and well grounded in our land and our customs. Now I'm wishing I was simply a North Farthing oat farmer's wife."

"You know, I don't believe that for a moment," said Arwen, looking intently into Diamond's eyes. "I've seen you with Pippin. You both bring out the best in each other. He challenges your wit and creativity. You ground him and keep him focused on the here and now when he'd rather be daydreaming. You would have been frustrated as a farmer's wife. There would have been nothing to challenge you intellectually, conversationally, socially or creatively. Peregrin has shown you a wider world than you could ever have imagined, and you have loved it. You can't deny it. It shows in your face whenever he points new things out to you or tells one of his stories of the travels he's made."

"Maybe you're right, at least about some of it," Diamond reluctantly agreed. "It really doesn't matter now anyway. I'm married to Peregrin, and that cannot be changed. What I need to do now is figure out what I want to do. Do I take my child and return home to my parents' home to live a sheltered life as the wife that rejected her husband, the most powerful hobbit in the Shire? Do I do that and leave Faramir with his father so that he can learn what it will require for him to be Thain one day? Do I stay on as the Mistress of Great Smials but take separate rooms from my husband? Do I stay with him and keep up the image of our marriage with sharing a bed? I have to think this through."

"Perhaps you should discuss it with your husband," suggested Arwen. "He may have a few ideas on how to help you do what's best for you while still saving himself, yourself or your son disgrace."

"As much as I don't want to talk to him," said Diamond, "I know I should, especially since we will have to work together to raise our son, whether we're together or not."

* * *

Pippin sat for several minutes in silence. Aragorn didn't disturb him. He could see all the thoughts and emotions going through the hobbit's mind reflected in his expressive face.

At last Pippin looked up and spoke. "I suppose I should return to our guest rooms and speak with Diamond. We have to figure out what we're going to do, now that she has made it clear that I'm no longer the hobbit she desires."

"I think you have the right of things," said Aragorn. "I agree that you should speak with her. Remember to be patient with her. You both are suffering a loss here and you both are emotionally on edge. Try to think before you speak."

Pippin gave the King a small smile. The impulsiveness of the Took was legendary, both in his actions and his words.

* * *

Diamond sat alone in the sitting room. Arwen had left some time ago. There were so many things that Diamond had to think about and consider. _What should I do? I'm not sure if I can stay at Great Smials and live a lie. I'm not sure I can stay there with all the old feelings so close. A part of me will always love Peregrin, even if I can't give myself to him in that way ever again. I'm afraid that if I stayed, I'd be tempted; and I can't allow that to happen. He's hurt me so much already, I won't let that happen again._

There came a soft tap on the door that caused Diamond to jump. The tap was closely followed by a familiar voice. A voice she wasn't sure she was really ready to hear just yet.

"May I come in?" asked Pippin softly. He half expected to be told to go away, if she even answered him at all.

Diamond hesitated for a moment before answering. "Come in," she finally said.

Pippin slowly opened the door and stepped inside. "I was worried there for a moment that you were going to send me away."

"I thought about it. But we really probably should talk. I think I'm going to go back to Long Cleeve. I don't think I can live at Great Smials, not with all the gossip and speculation about us. You know there'll be all kinds of talk, just like there was before I got pregnant. I really don't want to hear the speculation about whether or not we are living as husband and wife, who's being faithful or unfaithful to whom, who's at fault for our marriage being a sham. I think it will be easier for you to do your duty as Took and Thain without all the rumors constantly swirling around."

"They'll swirl whether or not you are there," Pippin said. He still stood just inside the doorway. He was not sure how welcome to make himself. "Even if you are gone, people will still talk. They will wonder if I sent you away, or if I was untrue to you and you left. I will go down in Took history to be the first Thain to reject his wife. That is certainly not the legacy I wanted to leave."

"Yes, I suppose you're right, but I won't have to listen to it. I don't think I can live with it."

"I won't have a choice," Pippin sighed.

"I will leave our son with you," Diamond continued. "He will need to learn his future responsibilities from you. Also, his prospects for finding a wife, when the time comes, are much better in the Tookland than they would be in the North. I only ask that you allow him to visit myself and my family as often as is possible. I love him dearly and don't want to lose him, but it is for the best for him."

"Diamond," Pippin began. He could not look at her and he found himself worrying at the edge of the rug with the toes of his right foot. "I really wish you'd stay, at least for a while. Give yourself some time to think about whether or not this is what you really want to do."

"Don't you understand?" she exclaimed, jumping up and turning to face her husband fully for the first time since he'd entered the room. "I still love you, and I can't stay with you because I will do something I will regret. I can't let my heart lead where my head knows I must not go. I made a mistake in giving my heart to you, and now I can't take it back; but I can take myself away so that I won't see you and dwell on what you could not give me."

Pippin could just stand there staring for a long moment. His mind was trying to wrap itself around what his wife had just said.

Finally he began to speak. At first his words were hesitant, but he soon began to regain both his hope and his confidence.

"Diamond, please believe me when I say that I am more sorry than you will ever know that I am incapable of giving you any more children. I admit that I have failed you in my duty as a husband in that regard. I hope, though, that other than in that area I have been a good husband to you. I love you dearly and want to make you as happy as I can. I wish you would stay, at least for a while. I believe that we could work through this together.

"It's hard for me to accept that I am not the hobbit I thought I was. It is never good for a male to realize that he is lacking in certain areas. I have to admit that I'm feeling bad about my shortcomings right now. I know that there is more to a loving marriage than what goes on in the bedroom. If I figured anything out as I grew up it was that. I had wonderful role models to show me that. Merry's parents loved each other madly and tried for years to have a child. At first they had no success at all, then Aunt Esme finally got pregnant; but she miscarried. She lost two before Merry was born and three after that, but neither of them lost faith in their love. Merry remembers the sadness of the last loss. He told me once that they actually came to him and told him that he would be their only child. They never stopped loving each other, in every sense of the word, but they had to give up a dream and be thankful for what they had. I'm trying to have that same acceptance for our situation. I'm not asking you to accept it, I'm just explaining what I'm trying to do for myself.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, please stay with me, Diamond, at least till we both have come to realize that our future does not hold any more children. Stay with me until my next birthday, please; and then, if you still feel the way you do right now, go back to your family with my love and blessing."

Pippin dropped into the nearest chair totally exhausted by his emotions and this long speech.

Diamond looked at him for a long time before saying anything.

"Peregrin, like I said, I will always love you in some fashion, but I can't love you the way I did before this. I just can't look at you the way I did. There is still an attraction there, but I don't dare respond to it. It only gets my hopes up that you can do something you obviously cannot. I will stay, as you have asked, but I cannot share your bed any longer. It just brings too many emotions to the surface."

"I'll accept that," said Pippin. "I can ask for no more at the moment. I do ask jus one other thing."

"And what might that be?" Diamond was at once defensive again. "I should have known that you'd want conditions."

"No." answered Pippin. "I only want you to tell me if your feelings change in any way; whether you decide that staying is impossible or that you really can come back and be my wife in every sense of the word. Don't worry, I have no illusions that you will ever feel the way you used to toward me again, but I have to have some hope to cling to."

"Agreed," answered Diamond. "I will tell you if anything changes, and I will let you cling to your dreams even though mine are all gone."


	4. Chapter 4

The next several weeks were very strained, not just for Pippin and Diamond, but for all who were close to them.

Pippin had moved all of his belongings out of the guest quarters on the day of his talk with his wife allowing Diamond and Faramir to stay there while he found another place to stay. Faramir was confused and saddened over his parents' sudden separation. Diamond had tried to explain things to him, but it was hard for a six-year-old to understand that his parents still loved each other but didn't want to live together.

The stress had even spread to the royal household. Aragorn had been heard more than once grumbling about the dratted stubbornness of hobbits and he was obviously uncomfortable around both Pippin and Diamond. He never thought being around his smallest knight would ever be anything but a joy, but now it was a chore. Pippin's cheerfulness was gone and he was concerned only with his duties these days.

As for Arwen, she had given up visiting Diamond altogether. She felt as if there was nothing she could do to bring about further reconciliation between the hobbits. She felt that Pippin was the wronged party here, and she didn't want to let Diamond become aware of her feelings in this regard.

* * *

One day Aragorn called Pippin to meet with him.

"Merry will be here tomorrow," the King said without preamble when Pippin came into the room.

The hobbit greeted the King in the formal fashion of Gondor before speaking. "I imagine you will not be sad to see us go."

"I will miss you, but then I miss you already. I miss the cheerful hobbit I have known for almost 20 years. I miss sharing stories and meals. I miss the sound of you spontaneously starting to sing just for the joy of the day."

"I am sorry that I'm no longer that hobbit. I don't know if I ever will be again. I feel totally at loose ends, Strider. I came here hoping to make my wife's life, and my own, more complete. I'm leaving with both our lives in ruins. I have no direction for our future. For pity's sake, I have no idea if we even have a future. I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at fate and I'm angry at a long-dead troll who had the nerve to fall on me all those years ago. None of this speaks too highly of me, does it? I'm supposed to be the leader of my people, but I can't even keep my own family together. I have failed."

"You have not failed," said Aragorn. "You made an effort to do something wonderful for your family that didn't turn out the way you had hoped it would. You went beyond what any wife could ask of her husband. I will be honest, Pippin, I wouldn't have been sacrificial enough to go through what you have gone through for the sake of fatherhood. It is normal for you to be angry and frustrated about what has happened, but don't become bitter. That would be the failure. You have so much to give and you are such a giving person that to turn away from that would be to give up, and no one wants you to do that.

"Peregrin Took, what I want you to do-and I will make this an order if I have to-is to go home, be the same hobbit you were before you came here this summer and keep loving your family. You can be one of the most persuasive people I know, and I know that your enduring love can win back the heart of your wife."

"I'm glad you have the confidence in me," said Pippin, "because I'm certainly not finding it within myself."

* * *

The next day, when Merry arrived, he was immediately summoned to the king.

"What's wrong!" was the hobbit's greeting, as he entered the King's private quarters.

"Calm yourself," answered Aragorn. "Nothing is that wrong. You really do worry too much, don't you? A hobbit, of all people, should know that too much worrying is bad for the digestion."

"Sorry, Aragorn. It's just that I was summoned here even before I was able to greet my cousins, and I was worried that you had some dire news concerning one of them."

"Sit down, please." The King indicated a low chair that Pippin often used when visiting while off duty.

Merry sat, but he still could not shake the sense of dread that was settling on him.

"Here. You may need this." Aragorn handed Merry as small glass of wine. Merry looked at it for a long moment but did not drink.

Aragorn sat down across from him. "How much do you know about why Pippin and Diamond came to visit me this summer?"

"I know that they wanted to try to have another child, and that they-make that Pippin-thought that you could help them again." Merry looked searchingly into the King's eyes. "They didn't lose a baby, did they? Diamond's all right?"

"Diamond is fine, and no, they didn't lose a child. They never conceived at all. And that is where the problem lies. Diamond blames Pippin. Pippin blames himself. They are both sad, angry and hurt. The trouble is that Diamond has taken her hurt and frustration out on dear Pippin. She has banned him from her bed and has tried to distance herself from him in all other areas as well."

"What?!" exclaimed Merry, nearly dropping his wine glass in his distress. Hastily he recovered it and took a fortifying sip. "What in the name of wonder is she thinking? She'll never have another child if she won't let him love her. And poor Pip. He must feel like six kinds of a failure. All he wanted was to make her happy and this is how he's repaid. Please tell me that neither of them are wanting to be released from their marriage."

"No," Aragorn reassured him. "Neither one has asked for that. I know Pippin doesn't want it, and I think Diamond believes that it is not allowed. Plus, she does not want to lose all contact with her only son."

"Oh dear," said Merry. "I was forgetting all about poor Faramir. This has to be just terrible for him."

"He's confused, as any child his age would be in a situation like this. He cries a lot more than he used to, and he's very clingy, to both of them. He still can't figure out that none of this is his fault. That will come much later, and by then, let's hope, that this is all a dark memory."

"Agreed." Merry took another sip of the wine before continuing. "Aragorn, has anyone sat down with them and tried to talk?"

"I've spoken to Pippin on several occasions, and he wants to resolve things and get back together with his wife. He's just thankful that they have Faramir, and he wants the chance to be a good father to him.

"Arwen spoke to Diamond a few times, but Diamond seems to have closed the door on any sort of real relationship with Pippin. She wants only to be able to mother her son and do her duties as Mistress of Great Smials. She even told Arwen that she's willing to give the role of Mistress to one of Pippin's sisters, if that is his wish. Poor Pippin just wants his wife back, in every sense of the word."

"Well, maybe it's time for another hobbit to handle this," said Merry, standing and finishing the last of the wine. "By the way, that is excellent. I may have to buy a few bottles form you if you have any to sell."

The two friends smiled and nodded to each other as Merry left the room.

* * *

Merry fond Pippin having lunch with a few of the knights that attended on Aragorn.

"Merry! When did you get here," was the younger hobbit's enthusiastic greeting.

"I just arrived a little bit ago," answered Merry. "I had to stop and have a chat with Aragorn, don't you know. He just can't live without the regular dose of good, common sense we hobbits bring him. But I hear he hasn't been getting as much as he should, even with you around. It appears that one of his closest advisers needs some counseling of his own, am I right?"

Pippin looked down at his half-eaten lunch for a long moment before answering. "I don't know what you could say that somebody else already hasn't. But, if you feel the need to say it all again, who am I to deny you the right. But let's go to a more private place, shall we? I really don't want all the details of my personal life brought up in the open, even if the fact that they are in ruins is a matter of public gossip."

Pippin led Merry back to the small room that had been his home since Diamond had asked him to leave her in peace. Merry took the only chair, while Pippin sat miserably on the bed and stared down at the floor.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" asked Merry.

"Not really," answered Pippin, not bothering to look up. "You probably got the whole story from Strider. What's the sense in repeating it again?"

"I got Strider's version of the story, yes; but that's not your story now is it? You're the one living it, he's just an observer. You're the one suffering, not him. I want to know what exactly happened, from your point of view."

"Well," Pippin finally began, "It all started at Faramir's birthday party..."

* * *

Almost two hours later, Pippin finally finished telling Merry the whole sordid tale, including all the details of how sick he'd become on the herbs he'd been taking.

"Hmmm," was Merry's first comment upon the conclusion of the story. "I think it might just be time for the Master of Buckland to take on his role as mediator. Am I right that if a dispute arises that directly involves the Thain or his immediate family then the Master or the Mayor is obligated to hear the case and render judgment in the best interest of all parties involved?"

Pippin nodded. "Are you planning to hear our case as you would any common dispute in Buckland or the Marish?"

"I certainly am. It's the only way to resolve this that I can see, and to do it before we go back home where you will face all the gossips of Great Smials. Honestly, Pip, wouldn't you rather I settle things, or help you to, than to have them discussed and settled for you by the Tuckborough sowing circle?"

"When you put it that way, dear cousin, I can't agree more."

"I need to talk to Aragorn if I want this done fair and square and by the book, which I do, and I'm sure you do too. I don't want anyone back home to say that we didn't handle things correctly just because it was settled outside the Bounds."

* * *

Two days later, Pippin and Diamond stood before Merry to formally express their grievances and have him determine the way they would be resolved. There were seven other witnesses, as hobbit rules always required, drawn from Aragorn's court as well as the small group of hobbits that had traveled with Merry.

"I will start this proceeding by asking Diamond Took, being the party to initiate matters, to present her grievances against Peregrin Took."

Diamond stepped forward and began to speak. "I come to you today to express my desire to no longer be forced to share residence with my husband. I do not wish for our union to be dissolved, but I can no longer live with him as his wife."

"Please tell us what has happened to cause this?" Merry was required to ask even though he knew the reason. He also wished for all to hear just what had driven this formerly loving wife to want what she was asking. He was trying to be a neutral party, but it was not easy.

Diamond told the whole tale from her point of view. Merry noted that at most points her story was identical to Pippin's, but there were moments where their perceptions of events differed greatly.

Once Diamond had told everything, Merry then called Pippin to step forward. "Now it is time for us to hear your story and your reasons for wishing your wife to remain with you in a married state participating in everything that implies."

Pippin told his story as honestly as he could. He revealed things about himself and his shortcomings that he would rather have kept between himself, his wife and his healer. When he was finished, he turned to Diamond and, with tears in his eyes, asked her once again to forgive him and come back to him.

She appeared to all those assembled to be unmoved by either his words or his tears.

Merry asked both of them to leave the room so that he could discuss matters with the witnesses before he made his decision.

* * *

Once they had gone, Merry turned to the seven assembled witnesses. He looked each one in the eye closely before he spoke.

"I need all the advice you can give," he finally said. "This case is close to my heart in a way that no other one I have had to rule on has been. I will ask each of you in turn what your opinion would be. Do not be swayed by what anyone else has said. You make your decision based solely on what was said before you by Peregrin and Diamond."

First he called upon Bergil. The young knight thought long before answering. "I would rule that they stay together. I don't know what the vows of marriage are like in your land, but to us it is supposed to be through good times and bad, wealth and poverty, sickness and health. It is not that Pippin doesn't want to be a father-he's tried everything known to our healers to try to achieve this-it's that he has a physical reason that he cannot that he is unable to overcome. She should love him all the more for his sacrifice for her, not condemn him for it."

Merry gave what he hoped was a noncommittal nod before turning next to Ilberic Brandybuck.

"I agree with Bergil, not because I am swayed by his words, but because he speaks true. Love is not based on how many children you can sire. Look at your own parents, Merry. They tried for years and only had one son, but they loved each other till your father's last breath. That's what marriage is about, loving each other through all fortunes and all weather."

The next person to offer his view was a young knight by the name of Aragond. He cleared his throat a bit nervously before he spoke.

"I must disagree with those who have spoken before. I believe that the seeds of anger have been sown too deeply in Lady Diamond's heart. She will only view being forced to stay with Sir Peregrin as some sort of punishment. She will continue to resent him and that resentment will only continue to grow. Giving her the freedom to leave or stay as she will is the only right thing to do. Perhaps time away is what she needs. She may, at a future time, realize that she was better off with her husband than without him. But she needs the time to come to her own decisions and not be bound by the ruling of a family head, even if that family head is a loving cousin who only wants the best for those he loves."

Merry quickly looked away. He didn't want the guardsman to read any more of his emotions than he had already shown.

Merry continued to ask the other four their recommendations. They all held the same belief that Bergil and Ilberic had expressed.

* * *

As the witnesses spoke with Merry in the closed room, Pippin and Diamond bided their time outside the door. Pippin found himself pacing while Diamond stood shifting her weight from foot to foot and clasping and unclasping her hands.

"This waiting is maddening," she muttered. "I can't believe this is happening. This was supposed to be a summer of hope, but here we are waiting for Merry Brandybuck to decide what is to happen to me."

"It isn't exactly what I had envisioned myself," sighed Pippin. "I just wanted to make everyone happy. I never dreamed it would come to this-my wife wanting to leave me because I had the nerve to not get out of the way of a falling troll all those years ago."

Pippin couldn't help but look at his wife, even now he found her the most beautiful creature in the world. "I know you don't want to hear it, Diamond, but I'm sorry things turned out the way they have. I still love you and I always will. I can't forgive myself for failing you. I wish you could forgive me for my faults, but no matter what, you will always be the most important person in my life. I would do anything to please you, and our son of course."

"I know," stated Diamond. For a long moment she seemed to stare blankly into the distance. Suddenly she turned and faced her husband directly for the first time in weeks.

Pippin gaped at her totally at a loss. He had no idea what the look on her face meant.

"I know you love me," she finally said. "I know I've been hard on you, and I still feel betrayed and wronged, but maybe we should decide our own fate and not leave it to a Brandybuck to tell us what to do."

"I'm not sure what you mean," stammered Pippin. "I know what I hope you mean, but maybe you ought to spell it out for me. I haven't been at my sharpest lately, you know."

"What I mean is this," said Diamond as she stepped up before him. "I think perhaps we should go ahead and stay together. I will let you come back into our bed, but only on one condition: You will not do anything to try to seduce me. If I want to reestablish that part of our marriage, I will let you know."

"I can live with that," was Pippin's enthusiastic answer. "I just ask that you be patient with me. Just because I can't perform to your standards doesn't mean I don't have the desire, and sometimes I have to take care of that problem. If you can live with that, I can live with you not wanting me to touch you."

"Agreed," said Diamond. Pippin even noted a hint of the smile he had not seen grace her face in a long time.

"Shall we tell Merry," asked Pippin, "or should we wait to see what his decision would be? After all it's taking him long enough."

"You know your cousin. He's probably weighing everything from how you and I will feel about his ruling to how the gossips of Great Smials will react to any rumor about all this that reaches their ears. Merry worries too much."

Pippin smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. "That he does, but it makes him a good leader. He wants to do his best by everyone."

* * *

The door was opened and Bergil beckoned the two hobbits back inside.

Merry sat at the table with his hands folded and a piece of paper in front of him. He waited for Pippin and Diamond to come to a stop before him.

He cleared his throat and began to speak. "This has been the hardest thing for me to decide in my four years as Master. I hope I never have another dispute that involves two parties that I love as much as I do the two of you. No matter how I rule, someone is going to be hurt, and that hurts me. Having said that, I now must present my order.

"After much thought and discussion with the witnesses here assembled I rule that Diamond Took is to stay with her husband of nine years, Peregrin Took. I order that they reassume the appearance of a couple fully engaged in all aspects of the married state. Whether they actually engage in all activities is not a matter that concerns this mediator. What does concern me is that no one outside this room-with the exception of the parties' son and the King, Queen and their court-ever knows that the events referred to in these proceedings ever took place. Here within the presence of the affected parties all witnesses will affix their name to this document in red ink to show that it is legal and binding within the bounds of the Shire."

Before the first witness could step up to sign the document, Pippin held up his hand to stop him.

"Diamond and I have reached a decision of our own. We have agreed to stay together as husband and wife, but not to engage in all activities of marriage unless or until Diamond decides that the time is right for that again, if it ever is."

Merry gasped then let the breath out in a sigh. "Leave it to the two of you to put all of us through so much trouble only for you to solve things for yourselves."

Both hobbits just smiled.

* * *

Three days later, just before the hobbits were to depart for home, Aragorn called Pippin into his private study.

"Is everything all right between your wife and yourself now?"

"No," answered Pippin honestly, "but we are working on it. I don't know that things will ever be what they were before all this happened, but at least now there is hope, and that is something I didn't have a week ago. We'll make a future for ourselves. It may not be the future I had once envisioned, but it will be a future that includes Diamond and I together."

"I'm glad to hear it," said the King. "Take care of yourself, Pippin, and take care of that family of yours. They are precious and so are you."

* * *

The hour was late and the fire in the hearth had nearly burned down to nothing by the time Pippin came to bed. It had been a long and chilly day as Pippin and many others from Great Smials dealt with the aftermath of a winter windstorm. Now all he wanted was a warm bed and a long, restful sleep.

As quietly and carefully as possible he slipped into bed. inadvertently, his cold foot brushed against Diamond's leg. Instantly, his wife was awake.

"Pippin!" she gasped. "You're freezing."

"Sorry," Pippin answered. "I didn't want to disturb you. I just wanted to get under the covers where it's a lot warmer than it is anywhere else right now."

"It's all right," said Diamond. "In fact, why don't you scoot over here where I can help warm you up a bit."

Hesitantly Pippin snuggled closer to his wife. He was starting to wonder if he was dreaming. It had been months since he had been allowed to get this close to her.

Just as Pippin was starting to believe that this really was just a very pleasant dream, Diamond leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

Pippin almost jumped in surprise. "Diamond?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure you want to be doing that?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation, "I think I am. I've been watching you these last few months, and I've decided that I'd rather have what we had before last summer than nothing at all."

"So, you really do want me back." Pippin couldn't believe it.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Come here you crazy Took. I've missed you more than you know."

"Not as much as I've missed you, believe me." With that Pippin went willing into his wife's arms.

Neither one was sure they'd call that night magical, but it certainly was special for both. They had walked a winding path to get here, but, now, it was more than either one had hoped it ever could be again.

By the time Pippin was able to sleep, all thoughts of being chilled in body or heart were long forgotten. For the first time in months he was sated, comfortable and, most of all, content.


	5. Epilogue

On Halimath 22, S.R. 1437 Pippin and Diamond welcomed Sapphire Took into the world. She came early, just like her father had, but she was perfect in every way.

That evening, Pippin sat looking up at the deep blue of the evening sky that matched his new daughter's name perfectly. "Well, Frodo, I don't know if you are aware at all of what is passing back here in Middle Earth, but I can't help but think that you and a certain wizard are well aware of what has happened. It's no coincidence that she came on your birthday and Bilbo's, too."

Pippin took a deep breath of the autumn evening air and let it out slowly. Life was good. What else could he say.


End file.
